Eerie Ear

Written by MJ Reporter Willow LaMunyon

I was tripping over absolutely nothing and didn't even have the fun of adult beverages to cause it. Since that wasn't normal behavior for my body, I mentioned it to my doctor, who sent me to an audiologist to see if the problem involved fluid in my ears. That wasn't a big deal at all and a relief to know nothing major was wrong with me. I had to go to a specialist instead of my regular audiologist, but the building was easy to find. I have absolutely no sense of direction to the point that I once got lost in an outhouse. So, the easy-to-find building was an absolute delight, especially since it was in a shopping district.

While waiting for my appointment, I took advantage of the shops and found a cute blouse on sale. The weather was beautiful, so I was in a great mood but a little sorry that I needed to bother with the doctor's appointment since I wanted to spend more time checking out the sale items.

I failed the hearing test as I always do, but I was told to wait for the doctor because I might have wax in one of my ears, which could explain my sudden clumsiness. Ear wax is yucky and slightly embarrassing, but the doctor in training was a sweet young man and enthusiastic about his chance to work without being supervised. His verdict was that I did have ear wax that was very deep in my ear and not caused by a lack of proper cleaning. Thank Goodness he didn't say I wasn't careful about my hygiene. He started laying out his equipment which consisted of something that looked like a small drill tipped by a rod. I was positive this piece of equipment had the length to reach through my ear, through my brain, and out my other ear. Then he laid out another item that I hoped wasn't scissors.

My voice got a little squeaky when I asked if he was going to put that equipment in my ear. He assured me that it wouldn't hurt, but doctors always say that before causing pain. After a few minutes of digging around in my ear, he asked if I had earaches. I assured him I hadn't until he stuck that thing in my ear. He asked several times more, which caused me to worry a little and wonder what could be wrong with my ear, which made him ask me about earaches several times.

He pulled the rod out of my ear and said to himself that it wasn't earwax. Then he looked at me and told me he was going to get the supervising doctor, and he would only be gone a few minutes. That was the longest few minutes of my life.

I have a fine and occasionally overactive imagination. It is something I normally think of as a talent, but suddenly it turned on me and became a nightmare. I had a strong feeling I knew exactly what was wrong with my ear. There was a worm in it, and as soon as I thought about it, I could feel the worm move. A few days ago, one of my Facebook friends wrote about her cousin's best friend's sister having an earworm. It was so long that it wrapped around her brain, and she had to have surgery where the entire top of her head was cut off to get the worm out.

I felt it move again. How long was that monster? What if it was so fat it couldn't be pulled out of my ear. I didn't want to have the top of my head cut off. I was sure the doctors were talking about the surgery I was going to have, and that is why they were taking so long.

I had been swimming in the ocean a year ago. Maybe the earworm swam into my ear then and had been growing for an entire year. They were definitely going to cut the top of my head open. I was getting desperate for the doctor in training and his supervisor to come back in. Maybe it wasn't too late to get that creature out of my ear if they would hurry up and remove that awful thing right away.

Finally, they returned, and the senior doctor looked in my ear. I heard him say this doesn't look good. My hands started to shake.

Here it comes, I thought, when he moved in front of me to make it easier to speak. He said, "I am afraid you have a bad ear infection."

I almost fainted with relief.